JFTR.... 'Magic Eye' 3D Images are a hoax.

   Exhibit A: A Magic Eye image!  A staple of my elementary years.  A collection of these devious tricks tucked away in every classroom and prominently displayed at every book fair.  Supposedly, if you go cross-eyed and slowly bring it closer to your face or some comparable cockamamy ceremony, you'll see a 3D image.

   I am calling out Magic Eye's conspiracy and  on the top of my lungs howling bullpucky!  As if the deception of children wasn't deplorable enough, if my theory is true, they ambushed these innocents with peer pressure to lie and conform.

   Here's how these dismal turn of events, which always ended in self deception and conformity, usually played out.  During reading time or if the unthinkable occurred and the weather prevented outside recess, one seemingly brave youth would pluck this unassuming booby trap off the shelf.  A small, curious mob always formed to see the pretended uncovering of the illusion.  After the ritual of the goofy eyed stare and the methodical encroachment to your eye balls, the phony, triumphant cry of "It's a Dragon!" or "It's Bugs Bunny!" or "It's a Hot Air Balllon!" would come.  (I am only now seeing the missed opportunity for 'It's Your Mom' jokes.  Tack that on to the things I'll teach my younger self when I invent a time machine.)

    Then as if the water balloon had burst, with fear of being ostracized, everyone supposedly uncovered the illusive effigy.  When my humble admission of only being able to see squiggly lines and having a headache, the dreaded guffaws would come.  Followed by people pointing at random spots in the page, trying to point out the anatomy of said image.  I fell into this Magic Eye pitfall for too long!  These dishonorable and disgraceful books are one of the greatest unexposed ponzi schemes of out time.

   Now, I guess in the spirit of objectivity I should acknowledge a few other available options.  A) That either my eyes, brain, or both don't work properly.  I am sure there are many who would step forward to attest for this.  B) Maybe I just exist in a 2D world.  This would explain my inclination towards of 2D side-scrollers. C) These tricks were and are too far above my intellectual capacity.  After all, my favorite picture books are ones without words. D) Perhaps Magic Eye is really has mystical and wizardly properties and my Hungarian ancestry or some other unknown factor gives me +5 to Magic Resistance.

   Either way, I have still to this date never seen one of these alleged 3D images.  If anyone thinks they have the patience enough to sit me down and teach me the ways of Magic Eye, I am willing to learn.