JFTR.... Why is Waldo Hiding?

Let’s first acknowledge that Waldo’s obviously one of the best covert specialists ever.   Dare I say millions have searched for him and somehow not even a single blurry photograph exists?  Initially you’d think that his noticeable and now iconic appearance would be the exact opposite of what someone in his line of work would want to wear.  I have to believe that his overall fame he initiated and is just one giant diversion so he can walk forever in the shadows.  Or maybe the image of Waldo we now know was described by one bitter FBI agent who was deceived by this master and snuck right past him in the hippie, dweeb Clark Kent disguise.  Do we even have a last name for him? I mean Waldo? It has to be an alias.

 As he has been reported spotted all around the world, in the most exotic occasions, he must be a man of considerable means.  Not to mention he once paid an entire mall full of people to dress almost exactly as he does.  We’re talking Scrooge McDuck, swim in your gold coins rich.

Seeing that he has been spotted throughout history he must be either an immortal that has conquered the secrets of time and space.  Or he is from the future with the only time machine in existence.  Either way, safe to assume the level of the man’s intellect must be the equivalent of an Einstein, Newton, and Hawking in one candy striped lurp. 

He has surrounded himself with a cult like following that dresses almost identical to himself.  Are these willing-to-drink-the-kool-aid followers just an extension of his façade? Or perhaps Waldo is a schizophrenic who personality has fragmented multiple times.  If we are going to consider a mental disorder then possibly nobody is looking for him and paranoia is just a symptom. 

It frightens me that we all so mindlessly jumped on board in this pursuit.  Brain washing?  Subliminal messaging?  Mind Control?  The unorthodox approach to his capture and his lack of an appearance on America’s Most Wanted, leads me away from a government man hunt and more resembles the tracking methods of a secret society.  Perhaps his capture should be our top priority.  How do we know Waldo is plotting the destruction of the world? Possibly even space and time itself?

Who was Waldo before all this?  Maybe another son of Krpton?  A wizard? A reincarnate buddy of the Dalai Lama’s aware of his many lives with life times of wisdom? A wronged youth, forever jaded and constantly trying to bring down the man?  A secret agent who has trained Bond, Hunt, and Bourne?  Perhaps a computer programmer unaware of his abilities and recruited by Carmen Sandiego?

Too many speculations have been made, and far too many similarities exist to not include Carmen Sandiego in this discussion.  My theory is that they are married and together safe guard whatever secret that they are being hunted for.  It does concern me that these days nobody seems to be carrying on this search?  Have the powers that be finally given up?  Too many men lost and too many resources expended? Or have they been caught?  Being tortured in dark, dank dungeon? 

For their sakes hopefully they have retired on the same tropical island Chris Farley, Tupac, Michael Jackson, and Heath Ledger have fled too.  Maybe they even started a family and are continuing their empire producing “I Spy…” books.  Perhaps the clues to where and what their secret are, are hidden in the those pages…